The Submissive Wife #4 - What God Says

Click here to start at the beginning of this series if you’re just joining us.

If you’re jumping in here right now, be warned. You may end up thinking I think more highly of myself than I really do. You probably should go up and click to get back to read a previous post titled “Submissive Wife #2” so you know where I come from. So you can see I don’t in any way think that I’m a perfect wife. A perfectly submissive wife. Here is where we left off last time…

When I started learning about how to be a submissive wife I discovered a H-U-G-E discrepancy. Because I’d grown up strongly influenced by the culture – movies, TV, music – I had the idea that submission was bad. Submission, to submit, meant to be a doormat. It meant to be as quiet as a mouse and never get a say in anything. It meant being a slave, a quiet thing that never spoke up and was only there to serve others. Someone who submitted was a spineless wimp.

I mentioned Rosanne in post #1 of this series. She, in real life and as a character on her TV show back in the 90’s, was definitely NOT a submissive wife. There was another character on that show though. Crystal was the stereotype of what the culture viewed as ‘submissive’. She was always giving in to Rosanne and Jackie and hardly ever stood up for herself. She was kind of wimpy and couldn’t seem to make decisions either.

This was how I viewed submission.

Biblical submission is as different from that as black is from white.


Here are a few things God includes in His definition of submission:

1. Submission occurs in the natural order God has created.
To submit is not a bad thing. God is a Creator of order and He has placed things in an order for a reason. God is first above all things. Everything on the earth submits to God, either willingly or not. (Rev 20; Phil 2:10-11) The seasons submit to God. The sun and moon submit to God and follow His command. We did not get to have another day today except that God saw fit to call forth the sun to rise up and bring a new day. God created man first and then woman. So, yes, women (or wives) are to submit to their husbands just as men are to submit to God. (Eph 5:22-29)  God also created kings, presidents, and rulers to lead us as a community of people and we are to submit to them and the rules they make for us (try to remember that the next time you drive by a speed limit sign). (1 Pe 2:13-17)

2. Submission is for the strong.
To submit requires more strength than to not submit. Anyone can NOT submit. If you allow the selfishness that naturally occurs in your heart to start reigning, it will be fairly easy to NOT submit.

Submitting takes strength.
It takes trust.
It takes faith.


3. You can still have an opinion and be submissive.
To call yourself a submissive wife doesn’t mean you are now in the elite club of “Never Voicing Your Opinion Again.” There is no such club unless you live in a country ruled by a dictator. As a wife, you are given the important task of being a wise advisor to your husband by giving your opinion on things important to the two of you. You actually have quite a bit of power and if used properly, can help aid your husband to be the leader God has designed him to be. If used improperly, your husband will eventually not trust your counsel and could possibly stop seeking it completely. As a wife, you are to offer your opinion and then allow your husband to make the final decision. This is actually a large topic that can branch off in many directions. Maybe we’ll have to come back to this?? Anyway, the big picture is you have to trust God to give wisdom to your husband to make the right decision (by ‘right’ I mean what is most pleasing to God) after you’ve given your input. You have to NOT continue arguing with him about it just because you think you’re right. (You know you do)

One thing to note: if your husband is asking you to do something illegal or something that is an evil in God’s eyes (examples could be stealing, looking at pornography) then you don’t have to submit to your husband’s final decision. You get to “Pass Go and Collect $200” in a sense….you default to submitting to God who comes above EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and do what you need to be able to have a clear conscience before God (aka call the authorities if he steals, refuse to look at pornography). If you do this in a loving but firm way, you will be living out 1 Peter 3:1-3, where your husband is won over by your gentleness. When I am talking about submitting to a husband, I am talking about submitting to a God-fearing husband, or at least a law-abiding husband. Any man who beats his wife or his children should be run from. Any man who asks his wife or children to perform illegal or grotesque acts should be run from. And any man who asks his wife or children to perform acts that are evil in God’s eyes (like lying, looking at pornography) should be gently led to the Cross.


4. Submission is a daily decision.
Because we are sinners, we battle with our sinful nature every day. We are faced with decisions to choose our own way or to choose God’s way many moments each day! Therefore, submission is not a ‘sign up once and I’m done’ kind of thing. It’s more like the dishes or the mail. If you don’t deal with it frequently, you’re going to end up with a pile on your hands! But refusing to submit doesn’t leave a visible pile. It creates a stinky mountain of selfishness and stubbornness in your heart. A mountain that you’ll eventually have to deal with. Before God’s throne. Because He will call you on it eventually. He will ask, “Why didn’t you submit to My commands by submitting to your husband?” “Why did you not trust Me by trusting him?”

So keep praying for God to help you in your journey to submit and grow as a godly wife.

Pray for trust and strength.
Pray for wisdom and guidance.
And pray for your mouth to stay shut when it needs to be! (which is more often than we think – haha)

Also seek guidance and teaching from an older woman who you see is farther down the path in learning to be a godly wife. Reach out for a mentoring relationship so you can learn from older, wiser women about submission.  Next time we will discuss some specific Scripture passages that talk about submission.

Thank you for joining me and may you be blessed in your journey ahead!
Amy